Back to School

I was on a grocery store run today and found myself thinking about Harry Potter.  He is a person set apart in so many ways which is how all heroes are.  I often have times when I feel different or other, but I think that makes me all the better to be the hero of my story.  It’s a universal feeling.  There are so many memes on social media and confidences from my friends that they too feel strange or weird sometimes.  Maybe I choose more interesting friends but more likely it’s a common feeling for people.

Mom used to tell me a story about crosses.  It goes something like this.  A man told God that he didn’t like the cross he had to bear.  God invited him into a room to choose a different one.  Some were too fragile.  Some too large.  There was a problem with most of them.  Finally, he found one that felt right for him.  He showed it to the Lord, and God told him that was the cross he came in with.

I’ve been stressed out this week.  Yesterday I had a burst of anger that came out of nowhere and I had a full-on temper tantrum slamming doors and drawers and I even banged the forks down on the table when I set it for dinner.  It was horrible.  I was a mess until I went to church for vespers.  Still, nothing is extraordinary for my life.  Being the mother of six kids and my six kids in particular is always going to be challenging.  It’s a comfort to me to know that I’m set apart for this task.  I’m the hero of this story.

My biggest worry has been Jonah.  He started failing the classes he struggled with last year within a few weeks of starting school.  It’s so hard for him to force himself to do difficult classwork.  He started falling into an ugly depression again too.  We’ve decided to pull him out of school and piece together a homeschool experience that will allow him to learn writing at his own pace while helping him enjoy the math and science classes he excels at.  I didn’t want to go back to homeschooling, but I know I can do it.  Jonah is happier already.

I miss Esther, John Ben, and Misha.  They are all doing well back in their classwork with interesting papers to present and college events and conferences to attend.  The weather is nice in Ohio now, but I fret about them staying in their hundred-year-old home with a baby during the winter.  They can’t finish their master’s degrees soon enough for me.

I miss Basil but might be talking to him more than ever with the calls I give him every weekend.  He’s doing great as far as I can tell.  He wants to start playing online games with Jonah.

Sophia has moved in.  It’s so nice having her here.  She picks the kids up from school twice a week for me so I can take an afternoon Pilates class on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  She’s had a week of her online art college courses which are going well.  I looked over one of her papers and am so pleased at how she expresses herself.  Her cat Taxfraud is tucked in her room, and I haven’t heard one meow.

Xenia has been sleeping better and wakes up happy for school.  She, Justin, and I have been eating breakfast together before heading out.  On Saturday she overheard me telling Mike how well she’s doing in sleep and school, the two areas she struggled with last year.

She made eye contact with me, smirked, and said, “I hate my life, and I hate my family.”

Then she smiled again before whirling around and stomping out of the kitchen. 

“Those words rolled off her tongue too easily,” I said.  I knew she was teasing me.  It made me happy that she could have fun with herself like that, but it was real when we were fighting last night.  Today both Justin and Xenia came home early from school with headaches and nausea.  It might be allergies.  I hope it’s allergies.  I hear the ragweed is blooming now, and I’m not ready for the back-to-school germs.

I’m teaching calculus first period right after I drop the kids off at school.  I love that hour.  It’s the one time of the day when I feel like I know what I’m doing.  I’ve got Pilates and Cello and a once-a-month guitar jam session to keep me learning and growing.

I’m kind of keeping up on housework and we’ve hired a new housekeeper to reset the house every other week.  Now I’d like to get better at making good homecooked meals for dinner on the school nights.  It’s going to take a bit more planning and probably some help from Sophia.

Thanks for listening to my updates.  I started writing this afternoon feeling overwhelmed, but now it feels like life isn’t so bad.  I’m the hero after all.  I just may with my battle with all the things I want to do.