Ed promised me a call on my birthday. He remembered that it was coming up a few weeks ago. I thought I’d see him in person during the Thursday liturgy, but my cousin Ari had the opportunity to come to Albuquerque for a healing conference and decided to come a day early to spend my birthday with me. She set up a spa day for us up in Santa Fe at 10,000 Waves. I explained it all to Ed on Sunday after he gave me a big hug and three cheek kisses, and he assured me that I could expect his call.
My birthday was wonderful! I had a good day at work. Though not everyone caught on to approximating functions with tangent lines, by the time I met up with Sophia and Ari at Tropical Smoothie Café for breakfast, I had a new strategy in place for explaining everything again on Tuesday. Sometimes it’s not obvious how to find the points for the point slope formula. Sophia took my car home and I hopped in Ari’s car for the drive up to the Spa.
My Shiatsu massage therapist gave extra attention to my upper back and neck and I felt like I was walking taller when I left. Ari and I enjoyed the sauna, the foot bath, and two hours in the grand bath spa. Ari took extra time in the sauna by the grand bath, but I couldn’t take the heat and returned to the grand bath. We had a light lunch and then after searching and finding Ari’s phone, we headed home.
That was when my phone lit up. There had been no service in the spa buildings. I looked for Ed’s call and saw that I had multiple missed messages. There were a lot of texts too. I figured everyone wanted to wish me happy birthday, and a lot of people did. Half of the calls and texts though were about Ed.
“Ed hasn’t shown up for liturgy or practice for his upcoming concert. Do you know how to contact his son?”
“We found Ed….”
“Our beloved Ed, Reader Anthony reposed today. He was found unresponsive in his home after Rick and Father called for a wellness check after he failed to show up for concert rehearsal with Rick and didn’t respond to calls or doorbell.”
My first feeling was actually of joy. I pictured Ed happy, in a place of brightness, a place of refreshment, a place of repose, where all sickness, sighing, and sorrow have fled away. So many times when I hear that someone has passed away I have regrets and long for one more greeting, one more good-bye. Mike and I had intended to have Ed over for dinner over Christmas but we were so sick that we had no one over. We had talked about when to have our next dinner party with Ed but hadn’t made those plans. Instead of feeling regret, I thought of all the dances I had with Ed at my waltzing parties, all the dinners we had together, all the services we were at. Ed sang at the baptisms of my last three children and was able to meet my grandson Misha. All our years together were enough. I knew that Ed would enjoy heaven so much more than any fellowship here on earth, and I felt happy for him.
Those thoughts reminded me of one of the regrets that hung heavy on my heart regarding Mom. The week before she started showing the symptoms of the Hashimoto Encephalitis which ended her life, I missed our last chance to see a movie together.
Mom bounced in my bedroom totally ignoring the fact that I was still in bed and asked, “Are you going to take me to the movies today?”
We regularly went to the theatre on Thursdays. I don’t even thing that there was anything wrong with me. I was tired and grumpy, probably about to start my period. I didn’t want to get out of bed.
“Not today, Mom. I’ll take you next week.”
I know she understood though she was disappointed. If only I had known that would be our last chance to go out together. That scene has haunted me, but thinking about Ed made me think of it differently. Mom and I had so many outings together. We saw so many movies. It was indeed enough. I remembered when Avenger’s Infinity War came out and there was a battle scene at the end when the women warriors are all supporting one another. I knew Mom would have loved it, but she was loving heaven so much more than we can love anything here. Our time for watching movies together was indeed enough.
Ari and I missed the Panihida service for Ed Thursday night because it was so late when we drove into Albuquerque. We didn’t even have time to stop off at home before our reservation at Farm and Table with Mike for my birthday dinner. Whether it was dehydration or toxins after the hour long massage, I had a headache on the drive back. I started drinking alcohol on my fiftieth birthday after taking a ten year break because a new supplement stopped the bad side effects I had experienced. It’s been a great year, but around Christmas I started noticing my face going numb when I drank a couple of drinks. I opted to not have wine with my birthday dinner and have not drunk alcohol since. My body is trying to tell me something, and I want to listen.
Ari was busy with her conference on Friday and Saturday but we started a television miniseries at night. She was going to fly home on Sunday after her last day of meetings, but was able to change her flight to Monday morning and celebrated my big birthday party on Sunday night. My friends Christa and Matthew also had January birthdays so we gathered our friends and family around us and ate rib eye steak and potluck sides…I made the best coleslaw ever. The three of us had mini Nothing Bundt Cakes with candles and everyone else shared the big cake. Then we sat around the fire outside and roasted marshmallows for smores. Best of all my friends Heather and Emilee and Emilee’s two boys came to town for Ed’s funeral. When I saw them at church on Sunday I ran over and hugged them and as soon as the service was over I invited them over to the birthday party. It was so good to see them and between old friends, current friends and my dear Cousin, my birthday party was extra, extra special.
Monday was the feast of the Presentation of our Lord into the Temple celebrating Jesus’s forty days. The kids and I attended that service and we all came back with Mike for the funeral. I came extra early to the funeral to have the chance to say goodbye at Ed’s open casket. I kissed the cross and touched his cold hands and ended my moment of contemplation whispering, “Say hello to Mom for me.”
I say that at all the funerals I have attended since Mom passed away. It’s a simple ritual that means something to me…but this time made it more meaningful than ever. As I stepped around the coffin following Matushka Ingrid and her daughter to the area we always stand, I heard Ed’s voice in my head saying, “Absolutely!” The word he would use in the tone he would say it in, and I knew he would too!!!
Matushka Ingrid motioned me over to sit with her. As we went through the service holding hands, I thought of all the wonderful people from our parish that Ed would be greeting. Mom, Nonna, Father George, Michale Irving, Rebecca, Frank. We have so many friends who have gone on before us.
My eyes were not dry as we gave Ed a good sendoff full of prayers and love. I am so thankful for the Orthodox Funeral and always feel like it has mystical purpose. Much like a baptism or a wedding there is the unseen going along with what is beautifully seen. Our choir, of which Ed had been a part of for decades, sung with majestic harmony, but I found myself missing Ed’s bass voice. It will be years before I stop listening for him.
May his memory be eternal.
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