Memory Eternal, Mom

I had a dream about Mom as April began in which I took her to the doctor’s office for an appointment as I often had. This time the doctor informed each of us that we were pregnant and had the same due date. Mom looked into my eyes and told me that she wasn’t going to live long enough to take care of the baby. I remember that haunting look in her eyes from when she was told she wasn’t going to live much longer. It was the anniversary of the day she came home from the hospital to die six years ago. She lasted a few days longer than we expected. As I write there are only a few days until the anniversary of her death April 9, 2019.
In my dream, I told her I would take care of both our babies. For the rest of the dream, people talked about my having twins. I spend the next part of the dream cleaning out a house with a bunch of other people. The owner of the mess kept pointing out piles of trash and telling us that they were projects that they weren’t going to finish. That bag of spoiled food was for a party that never happened. That pile of rubbish was something they thought for sure they would use someday. At first, people tried to make me take it easy because I was pregnant, but I was trying to lift the heavy bags by the time my alarm clock buzzed me out of my dream. I slept through five minutes of buzzing, but the last memory of the dream was two big burly men lifting heavy black trash bags and carrying them away. I woke thankful for their help.
I think the dream was about my taking care of people. It was about removing the old debris of times that are past to make a place for the creativity that is germinating within me today. It’s about my writing and the way that the current manuscript for Syra’s Scribbles VI guards both Mom’s memories and my own. It’s hard to find a balance between the creative life and the busy life. I remember how compelled I felt to do most of the hard lifting but am thankful that at the end of Mom’s life as in the dream, I was not alone. I am so thankful for the friends and family who support me.
Yesterday was busy with helping Mike’s mom Coryn and then my friends Kelly, Christa, and I went to an Akathist to the Mother of God at church. I’m thankful for the mothers in my life.
I miss my mom! May her memory be eternal.