I bought the airplane ticket, and my heart sank. I knew that time was speeding up in the upcoming weeks, but I thought I would at least have more time with Basil in August, not the five days between when he comes home from his summer job at the Antiochian Village in Pennsylvania and when we leave to drive out to Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University in Daytona Beach, Florida. There’s no time left and these past eighteen years have gone too fast.
Time is speeding up this week as well. Holy Week started out slowly, but as the days have passed, the services have become longer more frequent, and more intense. The Bridegroom approaches his suffering and death in Jerusalem and my heart is heavy. It’s hard to not feel sad.
Jonah, Xenia, and Justin have taken turns feeling feverish and haven’t been able to attend most of the Bridegroom services. This week Basil has finals for senior, and the deadline for his senior thesis looms large. He has little time and even less motivation to leave behind the cares of this world to enter into the timelessness of Holy Week this year. Sophia will not attend any services this week including Pascha. Esther, John Ben and Misha are far away preparing to commemorate Pentecost in a couple of weeks; their Easter long passed. I felt lonely without my family surrounding me and missed the days that we were like the families I saw each night this week with young children rolling around in their pajamas.
I felt lonely and yet not alone as I looked around the congregation. Mike stood nearby as he stands near me each and every day while our children leave our home one by one. After the service, I handed out graduation/farewell party invitations to people, and many of my fellow parishioners took the time to tell me little stories of Basil’s antics as a little boy in church. They too have watched him grow into the young man he is and are interested in what he does next. These friends will be with me as we continue our journey through the services of Holy Week and will celebrate with me the resurrection of our Lord and Savior in just a few days. They will stand by my side in nineteen days as I say goodbye to my son. Basil will come back for visits, but I know through experience that our relationship will never be the same.
This week like my life has anticipation of sorrow and separation, but the future looks bright. While we continue our vegan fast through Sunday, I have made my grocery list of croissants, Devonshire cream, and cherry preserves for our Pascha basket. Mike recommended a place to buy the best salami and cheese and we marked Holy Friday as the date to bring our steaks out of the freezer to defrost for our Pascha feast.
Sophia has an appointment to renew her driver’s license once she turns twenty-one on Monday and we have plans to each cake with the kids and Mike’s folks on Pascha, go to a fancy restaurant on Monday to drink wine, and a tour of the Willamette Valley Wine country this summer is in the planning stages. We’ve also invited the grandparents to Basil’s senior thesis defense and his graduation ceremony. Basil has party plans with his friends the following weekend and the menu for our graduation/farewell party is taking shape with spanakopita, baklava, and the goat cheese-bacon-date appetizers that are Basil’s favorite. Esther’s 23rd birthday presents are sent to her, and I’m waiting every day to hear when little Misha will be baptized to make plans to fly them to Albuquerque afterwards. I wake up with memories of dreams of holding my grandson but can’t wait for the reality. Summer is upon us with church camps, free time, and plans for fun for the youngest children as soon as we get through the last few weeks of school, and Jonah will soon be driving. I’ve prepared my finals and have no more material to teach before my job also breaks for the summer months. There’s so much joy waiting for us around the corner, and plans and parties help soothe the heartbreak of having my children out of arm’s reach.
To my friends who are also in the midst of Holy Week or heartache, come journey with me. Let’s hold hands and comfort each other now, so we can also celebrate together the good that comes next.
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