In which I describe how I came to know John Ben Berry…
“Oh, they say when you marry in June, you’re a bride all your life,
and the bridegroom who marries in June gets a sweetheart for a wife.”
Seven Brides for Seven Brothers
My thanks to Esther, John Ben, and Denise who shared their stories so that I would write mine.
After my parent’s divorce, many people stepped up to take the place of my father. Sometimes it was a family friend or a relative, but other times advice from a stranger felt like the voice of God. Back in the eighties, it was illegal to pump your own gas in Oregon. Gas stations in Vancouver, Washington also offered the service of a gas station man which Mom appreciated since she never pumped a gallon of gas in her life. We always went to the same gas station and filled up once or twice a week because Mom had a fear of running out of gas and never let the gage go below half a tank of gas. The same old man in blue overalls always attended us. He would pump the gas, clean the windshield, and check the oil level. Over the years he maintained a cheerful chit-chat when we would pull in, but one day when my window was open, and I was sitting behind Mom, he spoke words of wisdom that I never forgot.
He looked straight at me and said, “Young lady, when you go looking for a husband, make sure he is a man with vision who has a plan for his life. Make sure he will work hard to get there.”
As a Christian, I knew I wanted a godly man. After dating some, I wanted a man who could dance. After meeting Mike, I knew that I also wanted a man who would bring out the best in me. Mom always warned me to watch how a man treats his mother. Mike did everything on my list except dance. John Ben Berry is a man who makes God the priority in his life. He has a vision for his future and the willingness and capability to reach his goals. He loves his mother. Even though Esther’s convictions have changed over the year, this summer I saw in her a compassion, respect, and patience with me that was very pleasing. John Ben brings out the best in Esther, and lucky for her he can also dance. I am so happy for my daughter.
I met John Ben Berry and his friend Nathan and their other friend, Nathan in December 2020. John Ben and his friends seemed like fine young men, and I was glad that Esther had made some friends at college that were local as well. They came over for our annual Christmas dinner party which was low-key because it was the year of Covid so just our family, and the Thomas Aquinas College philosophy students, Esther, Joshua, John Ben, Nathan, and Nathan. Little did I know when we exchanged pleasantries and I shook John Ben’s hand that I was shaking the hand of my future son-in-law. We had a jolly time with no regrets over gathering during the time of the plague until the young men arrived at college with Covid, and I rued the close contact until we didn’t get sick.
The Texas contingent gathered at our house again in August of 2021 without the second Nathan. The Covid reports came in a few weeks later long enough afterwards that I wasn’t afraid for myself. It was Esther who fell ill first and that’s when she and John Ben became fast friends. They were in the same section together that year with all the same classes and professors. John Ben came faithfully each day to the isolation trailer where Esther was quarantined to lecture her from his notes for Esther’s make-up work. Though they stayed six feet apart outside in the fresh air, John Ben fell ill next, and it was Esther’s duty to return the favor. They bonded during their deep philosophical conversations.
The Christmas party of 2021 included Esther, Joshua, and John Ben who again caught Covid. It was a bigger party that year with all of Joshua’s family and three other big families. We had half of the upper-school teachers represented there. Afterwards we found out that nearly everyone had been in contact with someone with Covid, so I didn’t blame John Ben when everyone at the party came down with Covid and our school had to be online when the spring semester started.
Esther and Joshua broke up in February 2022 and as Esther began to mention John Ben more and more as the year went on, it was nice to be able to put a face to a name. They officially started dating on Easter. We saw John Ben at least once a week this past summer and enjoyed getting to know him more over dinner and during our board game campaigns.
This year we had twenty people gathered in our home for our big dinner, Christmas carols, and the annual reading of The Ransom of Red Chief including John Ben Berry, his mother Denise, and his stepfather Eddy. They are wonderful godly folk and I enjoy every minute I spend with them.
We took a picture of the six of us in front of the Christmas tree and talked for another half an hour after they intended on leaving. I appreciated hearing more of John Ben’s story. Denise and Eddy met Esther in the summer of 2022 after Esther and John Ben had started dating. Denise told me that Esther impressed her as a strong, independent, young woman who had the desire to live her life in fidelity to God. Throughout their encounters over the summer, she enjoyed Esther’s joyful demeanor and the way she strengthened John Ben’s character. He wanted to be the kind of man worthy of a woman-of-God.
John Ben has a special place in his mother’s heart. He was a bonus child. Denise and John Ben’s father had two children right away and John Ben was born ten years later. He was born five weeks early and was rushed to the NICU with underdeveloped lungs and a myriad of other issues that kept him in the hospital for seven days. It was touch and go. They didn’t know if he would survive. Denise convinced his dad, who was an atheist, to pray the Lord’s Prayer with her. She had been raised a Roman Catholic but had stopped attending Mass. She begged the Lord to spare her child and offered anything in return, only to realize afterwards that God wanted her whole life.
She said, “Our Lord gave John Ben to us and so was born the true Love of God into our family through this precious child.”
He survived and Denise returned to church, bringing her three boys with her. Their lives changed which led to the end of her marriage but the beginning of a New Life in Christ.
Denise explained how John Ben was raised to know the Lord and have a great desire to do His Most Holy Will. They attended Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament from John Ben’s earliest years, and John Ben has desired to receive Our Lord sacramentally from the time he was two years old. On his first communion at eight years old, a day Denise will always remember, John Ben appeared to be in heaven. His glowing face was captured by the photographer.
When John Ben told his mom that Esther was his best friend, Denise knew Esther was the right person for him. She and I both agree that it’s been a joy to watch their relationship blossom. I’ll share their engagement story with you next.
2022 was a difficult year of transition for me. All the friends I had at the beginning of 2022 have left the church I attend or the school I work for. Sophia moved away and Esther will move away soon when she starts her married life in Ohio. During the fall I felt desperate to be available for whatever role I needed to play in the lives of my daughters and my friends. The moment I heard that Esther and John Ben were engaged, I had a sense of peace. My work here was done. I felt content to be accepting, loving, and supportive.
It helps that I’m having the time of my life as the mother of the bride. Flowers, reception hall, church location drama. Not every mother had daughters and not every daughter includes her mother in her big day. Esther blesses me and I appreciate her and love her.
Syra's Scribbles 