Esther and Joshua are engaged!

Engagement Story

May 2021

As Joshua led her down the nature trail in the evening light with a bouquet of roses and a ring box in his pocket, Esther didn’t suspect what was to come.  Mike and I sat at home expectant, happy, and quite unsurprised, waiting for her call

They have been dating with intent to marry for quite some time.  The way they talk without ever running out of things to say reminds me of my dating years when Mike and I had the whole universe of truth to figure out together.  They are kind and thoughtful to each other in ways that bode well for a happy marriage.  They are devout in their faith and encourage each other in their growth as Orthodox Christians.

When Esther went away to school, Joshua intended on saving up money to move to California to be near her, but the more she described her experience at the Great Books college of Thomas Aquinas, the more Joshua longed to join her not only in California but also in her philosophical endeavors.  Wanting them to be evenly matched in education, I encouraged him to apply and attend.  I enjoyed the year Mike and I had to get to know Joshua, playing Arkham the Card game and going out to lunch at Panera, but it was good to see them go off together.  They didn’t have a plan for what would come next, but their education would open so many doors.  With hard work, they would graduate debt-free, marry and be able to accomplish whatever God called them to do next. 

I honor Joshua for the work that he put into paying for his tuition, but that has delayed the process of saving up for a ring.  Esther called me during Bright Week and mentioned that she had been drooling over websites with diamonds on sale.  She had forwarded the links to Joshua as a not-so-subtle hint. 

She said, “I’m not sure if I should hold out for a diamond.  I really want to be engaged.

I thought of Mom who always quoted, “Diamonds are a girl’s best friend.” 

On Friday evening after Esther sent Joshua a website with a sale on diamonds, he told her that if she wanted to have diamonds then they would have to wait at least until he had the chance to make money over the summer.  She was sad but told him she’d wait. 

She called me to tell me about her conversation with Joshua and that she was content to wait.  She had been a little sad at first until her girlfriend encouraged her to embrace reality and think about the many blessings in her life.  She had a boyfriend who loves her and good friends.

She talked to Joshua on Saturday evening and told him that she was feeling good about life.  He wanted to understand her better though and asked her to explain why getting engaged soon had been important to her.

The drive home was coming up in less than a week.  What would she tell her extended family in Albuquerque on the drive home when her parents and siblings expected a wedding in a few years, but she didn’t have a ring?

Esther wanted to make it clear to the world that they were serious about each other.  They wanted to talk with the nuns about their future, but those conversations ended awkwardly when they had to work around the expectation that they would be married in few years but weren’t even engaged yet.

They were spending all their time together and talked about each other in a way better suited to an engaged couple.  People had expressed concern that they were acting like a married couple.  It was inappropriate to be inconsistent and act as though they had some commitment that they didn’t.  Their friends who were dating, trying each other on, and getting to know each other had a very different relationship than Esther and Joshua and it was hard to explain why they had a deeper commitment without an engagement.

The situation had become obvious when Esther and Joshua had contacted Fr. John Behr in Scotland at the University of Aberdeen to prepare to study under him for graduate school.  How to explain to him that they would be coming out as a married couple when that implied an engagement that hadn’t taken place.

Joshua became very quiet.  Esther assumed he was feeling sad.  In reality, he had made up his mind to ask her to marry him.  Before he went into his dorm that night, he sat down on a bench and searched for a ring he could afford that would arrive within three days and rejoiced when he found it, a ring with a simple silver band and a solitaire diamond.

On Tuesday the girl who works in the mail-office saw them in the cafeteria and interrupted Esther and Joshua who were in a heated debate on whether or not reduction to the absurd leads to demonstrative knowledge.  Is it a scientific proof according to Aristotle if all you prove is that all the other options are not true?  Joshua nodded at the mail clerk, who told him he had a small package, and continued the conversation, listening to Esther as she used Euclid’s proofs as an example of that the validity of her argument.  She didn’t notice when he sent her off to her finals study group and dodged behind the columns on the side of the quad so she wouldn’t see him outside the mailroom.

Joshua picked up the ring but wasn’t sure when he would get up the nerve to ask her.  There weren’t many days left before the end of the term.  Seeking for some accountability, he asked the blessing of the abbess of the monastery where they spend all their time and then called Mike to ask for his blessing.  When he muttered a bit and told Mike that he probably knew what the call was about, Mike had no clue what Joshua was talking about.  Mike was happy though when he understood.  He thought they should have been engaged before they went off to college together. 

Mike came and found me when they hung up and said, “Joshua is going to ask Esther to marry him tonight.”

I said, “Oh, good.”

When Joshua hung up with Mike, Esther was across campus at a study group.  She didn’t feel like spending time with them anymore and texted Joshua that she needed a break.  Couldn’t they get off-campus?

Joshua asked if she could drive him on a couple of errands.

They filled the car up with gas for the drive back to Texas.  Esther’s debit card was declined because it had expired and she stayed in the car to fret about it while Joshua ran into the store to buy a gift for his coworker who had given him a package of Oreo cookies the previous semester.  He came out of the grocery store with a box of Lindt chocolates and a bouquet of red roses. 

“Oooh, red roses for your coworker?”

Joshua laughed and said, “Oh you know,”

Esther wasn’t jealous but worried that Joshua didn’t understand the implications of the gift and that his coworker would feel uncomfortable.  She was distracted as Joshua headed back to the college by a dread of returning to the drudgery of schoolwork.  She was so done with study groups and finals and couldn’t stand to do any more that night. 

As they drove back up the mountain towards campus she said, “Are you hungry?  Don’t you want to get pizza and blow off studying?  Don’t take me back to school!”

“Maybe we can go back out again,” he said, “But I don’t want the flowers to wilt.  Let me put them back at campus.”

They were quiet for a moment then Joshua said, “It’s such a beautiful day.  Look at the golden light of the afternoon.”

He parked and asked, “Okay, you want to walk with me to put the flowers down?”

“Are you going to give them to her now?”

“No, no. It’s okay. Just walk with me to put them away.”

Joshua had parked in a place where we could either go to the main part of campus or walk down to the trails down below forests trails and shrines. 

“Want to walk this way?” asked indicating the trails.

“Sure.”

Esther was beginning to suspect the slightest bit that the flowers were for her and not for Joshua’s coworker, but she didn’t want to be presumptuous.

A crisp breeze rustled the winter leaves scattered around the banks of the murky green ponds.  The ground was still shrouded in winter brown though shoots of green dotted the path, a sign of the return of spring.  The evening sun shown in golden rays as they crossed over the rickety bridge to one of the islands, and the fragrance of roses scented the air musky with the odor of the shallow water.  All was silent but their footsteps on the wooden boards and the babbling of the water around them.

Esther asked, “Remember how the last time we were down here, we were catching a frog for your science project?”

“Yeah.” 

Esther hadn’t believed that Joshua could catch a frog.  They had tracked down one lonely frog croak to a dark island in one of the ponds connected by the same wooden bridge they were now recrossing.  It had stopped croaking when they closed in and they had been so worried that it had swum away.  They were close to giving up when they heard a lone croak from the edge of the water.  Joshua had flashed his light all around, found the camouflaged frog, and scooped it up in his net.  The little guy stayed in Joshua’s room until he verified that frogs don’t croak when separated from their friends.

Esther’s thoughts were on frogs as she and Joshua reminisced about their adventure. She wondered briefly whether Joshua was proposing, but she couldn’t believe that he could have found a way to buy a ring so quickly.

When they arrived on the island at the end of bridge, Joshua turned to Esther and said, “To be clear.  I know perfectly well that you never get red roses but the woman you love.”

“The woman I love?” Esther joked as she took the bouquet.

“Yeah, now go find some woman to give them too.”

They laughed.  Esther buried her nose in the fragrant blossoms.

She looked up as Joshua said, “And I have a little something else as well.”

He pulled the ring box from his pocket. All of a sudden, he was down on one knee. He opened the box to reveal the beautiful solitaire diamond ring.

“The ring’s not much,” he said, “and maybe neither am I; but I love you, and I want to marry you.

Esther hesitated because he hadn’t asked a question.

“Oh, Joshua!”

Then he said, “Esther will you marry me?”

She looked down at him with the setting sun behind her bathing her in a halo of golden light,  and looked like an angel as she signed a dreamy, “Yeaaah.”

Esther put the ring on her finger and admired its sparkle, and then they kissed.  Joshua asked if she’d like to show her ring off to the nuns and they ran off to the monastery to share their good news with the nuns.  Esther called me from the monastery.

“Mama, I’m engaged!”

“I’m so happy for you.”  I told her.

After calling the family, the news went on social media and the next day everyone at school knew the happy news and congratulations poured in on all sides.  Joshua’s mom Julie saw me in chapel before lunch.

Julie said, “Congratulations to us!”

I said, “So does this make us sisters?”

She said, “I believe it does.”

We embraced and smiled.  I look forward to this union between our families.

Esther and Joshua had dinner with Mike and me the evening they arrived in Fort Worth.  At the restaurant, the waitress asked us, “Are you celebrating a special occasion?”

I answered, “Our kids just got home from college, and they are engaged to each other.”

When the waitress looked puzzled, Mike clarified that they weren’t both our kids.

We all laughed at my confusing phrasing, but it’s so true that I already think of Joshua as a son.  It’s good to have an official claim to him. 

Congratulations to Esther and Joshua the newly engaged couple and to their friends and family who are all so happy for them!

(They are planning on waiting two years to marry right after Esther’s graduation.)